Hey everyone
My girlfriend and I have just recently split up. She initiated it. We were originally planning on moving out together, and then travelling the world together next year. Our relationship was solid and great, yet out of the blue she has said she can't be with anyone and needs to be alone.
The problem is, she was in the Marines and saw some nasty stuff in Iraq. Its messed with her head a lot. She told me that she still loves me, but can't be in a relationship with all these issues that she is dealing with in her life, and needs to be alone. I've given her all the space she needs, and let her know that I'm here for her if she needs someone to talk to. I asked would it be a problem if I waited for her to be ready to get back into a relationship with me. She said that was my choice, but that there is no guarantee that things will get better and she couldn't promise anything.
It hurts me to see her going through this, especially as she feels she can only do it alone. Am I wasting my time, or setting myself up for even more pain and disappointment by waiting for her? I grew up with her and she is the love of my life. Has anyone been through anything similar?
Thanks for any help you can give.
Aw well honestly i know how you feel that you want to wait around but in the back of your head you know there is no guarantee. i think you should not go out looking for someone to replace her. but be there for her. it doesn't seem like shes looking for anyone else so be there for her and support her through this because all her reasons are understandable. sometimes girls just feel like they need to be alone until they realize they actually do need the one they love Work and Income | Map | Independent Youth Benefit : Relationship ::
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This is probably one of the saddest questions I have seen. I heard that alot of people commiting suicide that came form Iraq. I dont even know why we are even over there in the first place. This is just sad. War saddens me. It keeps me up at night just thinking about it. I thank her and all of our troops over there for sacrificing there lives for us. Now I know why everything is so messed up now and why most relationships dont work out like they do back in the day. I heard some things what goes on in Iraq. I heard it is not pretty there. Somethings are hard to let go. May God bless you both and our troops.
She may hope you'll hang around, but you'll have to be totally serious about her. Maybe she saw children die. Now she has to wonder about having a baby herself, if she gets close to a man. That's a big risk.
She may need to unload some serious memories. Be patient.
What she says sums it up - it's your choice.
If she's the love your life, and you're willing to wait for her forever, then do so. But be completely aware that she's told you that there's no guarantee she'll want you when she comes through the other side Even if she gets back into a place where she feels comfortable being with someone again, she may choose someone who's not you. Someone who's seen the same things she's seen, or similar. If you do choose to wait for her, be aware that twenty years down the line, if she gets together with someone else, you cannot blame her. It was your choice to wait for her.
That said, I would not recommend actively waiting. If you don't want to hit the singles bars, you don't have to. But if someone else comes along that you connect with, don't block off that relationship because you're waiting for this other person who may not be ready.
you're doing all you can do. it's best to give her her space, because things can get ugly. my cousin and his wife divorced a few months after he came home from iraq. there is a lot of mental and emotional stress that comes along with military life. give it a little more time, and if it's meant to be, it will be. if she continues, you might want to ask her for an ultimatum. you can't spend the rest of your life waiting on her to decide what she wants. maybe after some therapy things will be fine. i know it's a big no no to talk about missions and things you see over in iraq, so she might not be able to talk to you about it, but i think they have therapists for soldiers who need them... give it some time. Marriage or relationship Problems | Home Buyers Scotland ::
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Give her time honey, let her heal. Just be sweet and supportive and she'll be back. I would try to move on for now, keep yourself busy and surround yourself with people that love you.
Hope this helps
-Anne
I am married to a veteran also that saw and did bad things while at war. There was this wall between us that I did not think I would ever get over. She needs to get to the V.A. and find a doctor that can help her accept things that she saw and did. Be there for her be persistent, watch over her. Do not just let them medicate her at the VA. They are very good at just handing out pills. It will be a long slow process but do not give up, she will get mad, she will push you away but don't go. She needs help and you are the one in her corner. Love her and don't stop. It may be very painful for you. But in the end you will help her. You may need counseling also on how to deal with it.
It seems like there's a deeper problem beneath it all, whether she realizes this and is hiding it from you or not. To be honest it seems like you are probably wasting your time, these things usually end poorly. I know you're going through a lot of pain and it must be very difficult, but don't get your hopes up. Don't give up though...I'd said talk to her, sooner rather than later, and talk about things. If you truly care about her that much and know she cares about you as well you should feel comfortable discussing the issue with one another. At the very least try and find out why she feels that she must be alone in such a hard time, because that seems like it would not be the case normally. So, talk to her. If things don't work out, be ready to move on though, but best of luck!
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Relationship breakdown! Help!?