in the suburbs, my father drinks
in the suburbs, everything stinks
in the suburbs, its just you and terror
in the suburbs, get your punk *** out of the mirror
in the suburbs, you play with the dream
in the suburbs, no one says what they mean
in the suburbs, self-absorption shows its shameless face
in the suburbs, home is not this place
in the suburbs, hate will eat you alive
in the suburbs, you are lucky if you don't die
in the suburbs, you will become what you hate
in the suburbs, run before its too god damned late
in the suburbs, dogs bark like robots
in the suburbs, cops still like donuts
in the suburbs, you will be empty and drained
in the suburbs, because fame is their game
in the suburbs, arbitrary cell phone usage
in the suburbs, put it away you are abusive
in the suburbs, i want to punch you in the face
in the suburbs, there is no grace
in the suburbs, this must be the place
in the suburbs, i leave no trace
Okay Okay Okay.... I just went against all my rules on Y!A by reading this all the way through. Before I state my opinion, if you can't stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen!! That means if you post this on here, expect backlash.
Let's start with your rhyming: Get a thesaurus and get synonyms of words you can't rhyme so you can choose a word that means the same thing that you can come up with a rhyme for it.
Now the rhythm: You had barely any rhythm, you changed it up so much, I got confused!!!
Now the CONSTRUCTIVE part of my Criticism: Keep working on it, you're not going to write a masterpiece if you just started poetry, just like any good thing, it takes PRACTICE.
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I dont come here for comfort, i come here for peace?