There is one choice you can make that will heal many of your relationship problems. This is the choice of kindness - to both yourself and to others.
This may sound simple, yet for many people, there is one choice far more important to them than kindness. This is the choice to attempt to control - others feeling and behavior, outcomes, and their own painful feelings.
Kindness to yourself and to others comes from a desire to support your own highest good and the highest good of others. When your highest priority is to support the highest good of all, you are naturally kind. You dont even have to think about it. It flows easily when your deepest desire is to be a loving, caring person.
Relationships: Prescribing the Symptom::
turn complaining, whining, anger and power struggles into laughter and healing. Relationships: Prescribing Symptom. The Power of Kindness in Relationships
http://www.buzzle.com/articles/relationships-prescribing-the-symptom.htmlHOME |
kindness.com.au - World Kindness Day::
What is an Act of Kindness ? Why be Kinder? World Kindness Day. The Other World Power if progress is to be made in human relations and endeavours, if we are to
http://kindness.com.au/cms/content/view/16/38/HOME |
But when your deepest desire is to protect yourself from getting hurt, then your automatic choice, particularly in conflict, is likely to attempt to control - with anger, withdrawal, blame, judgment, compliance, or resistance.
Jack claimed to love his wife Jenny. Yet as soon as Jenny didnt do what he wanted or expected, he would immediately become angry, blaming and judgmental. Jenny, frightened of his anger and of losing his love, would immediately defend and then comply with Jacks wishes, hoping to have control over his feelings and behavior toward her.
Jenny was afraid to do what she wanted to do. She constantly monitored her behavior, telling herself, Jack will get mad if I do that.
With all this anger, defensiveness and compliance, the fun, joy and passion that had been so wonderful at the beginning of their relationship was often non-existent.
Controlling Relationships at Happiness Through Self Awareness::
Power Control Fear and Freedom Controlling Relationships Two places to look to help with the discernment of being controlling in the relationship.
http://www.pathwaytohappiness.com/journal/2006/09/13/controlling-relationships/HOME |
The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World With Kindness ::
The Power of Nice: How to Conquer the Business World With Kindness by Linda cooperation and fair play forge the kind of relationships that lead to bigger
http://www.leadershipnow.com/leadershop/0385518927.htmlHOME |
Authentic Relationships - Articles - Learn Mind Power With John Kehoe ::
Thought Dynamics Mind Power Program ongoing support for personal growth and Loving Kindness The Awakened Heart. Inner Harmony and Social Responsibility
http://www.learnmindpower.com/articles/authentic-relationships/HOME |
Jack and Jenny sought my help because their marriage was in trouble and they wanted to save it. They both loved their two small children and didnt want to break up the family.
As Jack and Jenny worked through the control issues that each had learned in their families, they started to have fewer conflict. Yet when a conflict did arise, each would automatically revert to their old behavior.
I am going to give both of you an assignment, I told them in our phone session. It is a simple assignment, although not at all easy. This week, I want both of you to focus on being kind to yourselves and to each other. You will not be able to be kind to the other if you are not being kind to yourself. Jack, if you do not take loving care of yourself, you will end up feeling angry with Jenny. Jenny, if you are not taking loving care of yourself, you will end up trying to control Jack with your defensiveness and compliance. I know both of you try very hard to be kind to your children. I want both of you to practice treating yourselves and each other with the same kindness with which you treat your children.
Both Jack and Jenny agreed to practice this assignment.
The next week, in their phone session, both of them claimed that the first four days of last week had been the best days in years.
But then we slipped back into our old patterns, said Jack. I forgot about kindness. Why is it so hard to remember?
Jack, both you and Jenny have been practicing your controlling behaviors for your whole lives. These patterns are not easy to change. Your automatic unconscious response to fear is to control in some way. It takes a lot of practice for these patterns to change. You need to practice and practice making a conscious choice to be kind rather than slipping into the unconscious choice to control.
Today, Jack and Jennys relationship is much improved. While they still occasionally revert to their controlling behavior, they are able to be kind much more of the time. As a result they are having more fun with each other, and their sexual relationship has greatly improved.
Pre-Article:Dogs, Cats, And Natural Herbal Remedies
Next-Article:How To Release The Pain Caused By Others
|
The Power Of Kindness In Relationships